five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I am naked and annoyed.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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