Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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