At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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