Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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