I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize