There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
