Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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