your thong is hanging out like whoa
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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