youre lurking in front of me
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
