Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
