yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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