i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
