you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
