it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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