6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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