walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
