I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
