i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
