Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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