I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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