it hurts more in the daytime
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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