Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
