Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
