I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
