Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
