Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
