I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize