I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
