dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
You smell like a Billy Joel song
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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