i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
