About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
