I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
