The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
