I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
