The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
