it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
should my penis look like a turkey
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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