I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
