Pregnant stripper...not hot.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
