I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
