The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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