pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You can't just leave with hair like that
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
