Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
