If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
