just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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