So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
We are two peas in an std pod
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
