yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
