shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
