Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
