just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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