I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
