Ambien. No doubt about it.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
