some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i came on her dog
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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