theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Randomize
