If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
