The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You're like the curious george of whores
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
