i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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