Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
