Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I think I won the penis lottery.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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