I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
