Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
