mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I just blew my weed a kiss
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
