my mouth tastes like poor choices
another moral hangover. fuck.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
