He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
